What femininity is and what it is not. We bet youll be surprised to know that the Cinderella Complex, while not completely based on the fairytale, does have some relevance in real life and in the everyday lives of women. 6 July 2017. Society has in many ways have progressed. A Cinderella complex is a condition where a woman has a hidden fear of independence and a strong desire to be taken care of by a man. A point of pride for women has become how much money a womans husband makes and how well he can take care of his wife. Exploring your mind, 06 Jan. 2016. You should aim to be successful, but not too successful, otherwise you will threaten the man. [3], Others point to Ronald Fairbairn's concept of mature dependency,[4] to challenge cultural disparagement of dependency in favor of an ideal of isolated independence. To overcome this disorder, you have to get over the idea that true love solves everything. It could have borrowed its name from any fairytale princess. The following are the symptoms/behavioural patterns in a woman suffering from the Cinderella Complex. The term Cinderella Complex (CC) is a modern psychiatric term first coined by Colette Dowling, a New York therapist and author of "Cinderella Complex." Cinderella Complex ", after the discovery of a deep conflict, which occurs in women and which is related to independence. It leads to a condition I call the ''Cinderella Complex.'' - Colette Dowling (1981) In short she described how feelings of inadequacy lead to a desire to avoid responsibility and these feelings are almost universal in women (to one degree or another). The name that Dowling gave her study couldnt be more accurate. By NyRee Ausler Written on Jan 05, 2023. My point is, there is really nothing magical about the New Year! Dont miss a single MomLife Today post!Subscribe by email. Teach them that its necessary to learn about certain things and have job experience before getting married or starting a family. Select from the 0 categories from which you would like to receive articles. Hope you enjoyed the article. The notion that women have the option not to work leads to women thinking of work as a temporary thing. Agatha Christie first coined the term "Cinderella complex" in her 1955 mystery novel, "Hickory Dickory Dock." We do not host ads and only link to reputable sources of information. Yes, I am a journalist Click here to confirm you are a journalist. Lots to Read. Repairing Family Estrangement Time for an Olive Branch? Psychology Behind The Cinderella Complex. EmpowHER. When you are a child, you are loved for what you do and not for who you are. They are energized with new resolve and new determination! While the name of this complex has a dreamy, mystical name, its not something that anyone would want to suffer from. The love for yourself comes from within and not from others approval or opinions of you. So it takes time, commitment, and hard work to change. The lack of independence and low self-image leads women to think they need to depend on men to make them happy and supportive. Antonyms for Cinderella complex. The complex tends to forcibly convince them to wait for someone or something to alter their lives instead of taking matters into their own hands. For example, there is a spider on the kitchen floor and mom screams and waits for dad to come and save the day. Many parents show apprehension and focus on girls safety and worry if they will get hurt when girls explore. If you place the onus on your partner to meet all of your emotional needs, you have a Cinderella complex. And once we are both residing in our castle, we can sometimes expect our husbands to serve us. The Guilt Complex Stop Blaming Yourself ALWAYS! Your email address will not be published. Deep down in our hearts, every little girl yearns to be loved like that. The Cinderella Complex still lingers and women continue to be unconsciously motivated by old assumptions that they are damsels in distress and need to be dependent on a man. The Cinderella complex might be your problem. The Electra complex (opposite of the Oedipus complex) is where a daughter desires her own father so much, that she would cast off or maybe evil kill her mother for fear of competition. This happens because neither dependency or independency are that healthy in and of themselves. Then, the newly transformed princess loses her glass slipper and the love-stricken prince goes house to house until he finds the owner of the slipper. ", RELATED: 8 Signs You Are A Woman With 'Peter Pan Syndrome' & Never Want To Grow Up. Society perpetuates women to think that they need to depend on men. Its not magic; its work! Here's a list of opposite words from our thesaurus that you can use instead. They are energized with new resolve and new determination! For some strange reasons, many people believe something magical happens at the stroke of midnight at the beginning of the New Year. But I choose to depend on you at times and let you depend on me in return. This is fantastic, Jenae. This site uses Cookies to improve your online experience. The concept of women's emotional, financial and other dependency on men from The Cinderella Complex can be interpreted in different ways in today's society and culture. This complex is one reason why we shouldnt be fantasizing about our fairytale ending with a Prince Charming. Simple, easy, plain, uncomplicated. But not for everybody. See additional information. They discover there was no magical or miraculous change, their dream-gown is still a regular dress and their grand chariot in their dreams is still the same old pumpkin they drive every day! 7 Common Defence Mechanisms Are They Holding You Back? One day a man will take care of all of their needs there will be no reason to work anymore. In 1955, the term Cinderella complex was already used by British writer Agatha Christie in her detective story Hickory Dickory Dock. The Cinderella complex attributes profoundly in their minds. Thanks for this encouragement!!! We react to our own need and our own shame, and find ourselves never stable or certain of ourselves. Wales, Amber. Unfortunately, this automatically says that you have a Cinderella complex because you do need a man to take care of you and your family, at least financially. We never ask for help, and we push ourselves to achieve. is a mental health and wellbeing expert, who has done some training in person-centred counselling and coaching. The changed hours and days, will transform weeks and months! complex So, as Dowling says, women can only change the course of their lives by entering into a relationship with a man. The term can really apply to anyone, of any gender, who tends to put their life on hold for other people, unconsciously signalling they want to be saved instead of live from their own power. If the relationship then ends, we become overly independent. It is also very common that womens ambitions are undermined by fear. This can look like: It can involve feelings of need and dependency: And it can involve a cycle where you are strong and savvy when alone, but morph when you get in a relationship. Content is produced by editor and lead writer Andrea M Darcy, trained in person-centred counselling, and overseen by Dr Sheri Jacobson, retired BACP senior therapist & founder of London-based Harley Therapy Psychotherapy and Counselling as well as Harley Therapy Platform, a network of therapists across the UK. Relational Theory in relation to Cinderella . Many romantic novels and movies expose this. The cinderalla view of relationships and marriage can be a very dangerous one indeed. Do not worry, there is some hope to getting rid of the Cinderella Complex. Articles and opinions on happiness, fear and other aspects of human psychology. 2012 2023 . If you are a journalist writing about this subject, do get in touch - we may be able to comment or provide a pull quote from a professional therapist. Like most things, the best way doesnt lie in extremes, but in the middle. The first thing that crossed your mind after reading the above line must have been about the famous Disney Princess, Cinderella. Cinderella Complex is a psychological syndrome that states women are unconsciously driven to be dependent on a dominant figure (preferably male). Nglish: Translation of complex for Spanish Speakers, Britannica English: Translation of complex for Arabic Speakers, Britannica.com: Encyclopedia article about complex. You should feel comfortable, comfortable in your life, comfortable with the woman you are, with your social life, with the friends youve chosen Says Michelena. After marriage, both men as well as women have the right to follow their own dreams and accomplish their personal goals. Telling our daughters that they are princesses is never a bad thing, but what we need to be careful of is raising them to patiently wait for Prince Charming to come along just as he did in stories like Cinderella. What are the signs of the Cinderella syndrome? Proper noun Opposite of fairy tale princess Wicked Stepmother evil stepmother evil stepsister antagonist commoner Find more words! Counter-dependency means we depend on each other not from a place of need or desperation, but from a place of desire and feeling grounded. When thats accomplished, Ill become like a woman again. We never ask for help, and we push ourselves to achieve. It is less common for women to use declarative statements when they speak. Father is active; Mother is passive. Three Social Skills You Can Learn From Poker, Speech Disorders: Types, causes, and treatment, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Treatment (OCD). Psychoanalyst Maria Michelena talks about the dependence that characterizes this complex: Cinderella complex, which is when a man comes with his little shoe, and you try to adapt to him. For When 'Lowdown Crook' Isn't Specific Enough. Subscribe to America's largest dictionary and get thousands more definitions and advanced searchad free! To stand up on your own two feet and make things happen for yourself. Do you really want a Happy New Year? Even the author of a recent Christian fiction book I read seemed to be encouraging this type of expectation for young women and the men who pursue them. Cinderella Complex (also known as the . Why cant women be pretty and smart? The complex is named after the fairy tale character of Cinderella. 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